Wednesday, October 19, 2011
opposites attract?
One of the most interesting thing the some of the research said was that the idea that "opposites attract" is a myth. We may find differences in other attractive at first, but they very often turn out to be wedges and annoying attributes of a marraige. Obviously it is good to have your unique identity, but research has found that similiarities of couples are a good thing. Some of those similarities are values, hobbies, religion, and even culture. In 'Micah theory' these similiarities are important because it can lead to having the same goals and lifestyle that woudl bring a couple together.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
boys are different than girls?!
So I watched a SWEET video about gender differences. I know this can be a very controversial subject, but I couldn't help blog about some of what I learned makes us biologically different. From the research I have read and from my experience there are biological differences. not only are we physically different but there are unique characteristics that are given to each gender. Scientist believe that those differences are made through Hormones in the womb. These characteristics effect our behavior which greatly effects marriage and family.
For example, men are categorical thinkers. They have more gray matter (storage space) in the brain. They can open one category of thought like focusing on a football game and everything else is gone. However, Woman notice more details. We have more white matter (connections) in the brain. We think about anything and everything all the time.
Have you ever tried give someone of the opposite gender directions? In a recent study they found men naturally navigate by spatial orientation. They know where they are from north to south, east to west. However, woman navigate by landmarks. In the study college students of both genders were asked to be walked though many different parts of a building blindfolded. The men were able to significantly recognize the whereabouts of where they were still while the majority of woman couldn't. However, when the participants were asked to wait in an office and then later asked what they recalled from the room most woman remembered a significantly higher amount of details than the men.
Some of these differences can cause conflict when a man comes home from work and his wife asks him about his day at work and he says, "fine." She cares and wants to connect about their experiences, but he has closed that compartment and wants to be home now and give that his attention.
Even at birth they have found differences as males are more likely to be startled while females have rhythmic sucking. Boys are more likely and quicker to set out on their own crawling about while girls sit up faster.
However, these differences together make an awesome partnership. We need both male and female to make the world great. A family needs both.
For example, men are categorical thinkers. They have more gray matter (storage space) in the brain. They can open one category of thought like focusing on a football game and everything else is gone. However, Woman notice more details. We have more white matter (connections) in the brain. We think about anything and everything all the time.
Have you ever tried give someone of the opposite gender directions? In a recent study they found men naturally navigate by spatial orientation. They know where they are from north to south, east to west. However, woman navigate by landmarks. In the study college students of both genders were asked to be walked though many different parts of a building blindfolded. The men were able to significantly recognize the whereabouts of where they were still while the majority of woman couldn't. However, when the participants were asked to wait in an office and then later asked what they recalled from the room most woman remembered a significantly higher amount of details than the men.
Some of these differences can cause conflict when a man comes home from work and his wife asks him about his day at work and he says, "fine." She cares and wants to connect about their experiences, but he has closed that compartment and wants to be home now and give that his attention.
Even at birth they have found differences as males are more likely to be startled while females have rhythmic sucking. Boys are more likely and quicker to set out on their own crawling about while girls sit up faster.
However, these differences together make an awesome partnership. We need both male and female to make the world great. A family needs both.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Halloween traditions
Have you ever experienced culture shock? Can you experience culture shock in a family?
I think YES!!! Because when two people get married they are combining two different cultures, and even some that seem similar can cause conflict.
Take Halloween traditions for example. In my family we have costumes that go together (like a basketball team, ref, and coach) and we drink Wassail and my dad always checks the candy we get. That is how it is in my family. When I get married my husband will bring his own Halloween traditions to our family. Initially I would want to just use my traditions. I might think his are nice, but not the "right way to do it."
So what is the solution? One of my teachers said that we as a couple need to examine our past attitudes, habits, and traditions to see what is good for the TWO of us and our new family. We also need to recognize there is more than one way to do something.
With more serious and pertinent situations it will require thought, communication, and prayer for you and your spouse. NOT compromise which infers your giving up something, but the way the Lord would have your family live.
I think YES!!! Because when two people get married they are combining two different cultures, and even some that seem similar can cause conflict.
Take Halloween traditions for example. In my family we have costumes that go together (like a basketball team, ref, and coach) and we drink Wassail and my dad always checks the candy we get. That is how it is in my family. When I get married my husband will bring his own Halloween traditions to our family. Initially I would want to just use my traditions. I might think his are nice, but not the "right way to do it."
So what is the solution? One of my teachers said that we as a couple need to examine our past attitudes, habits, and traditions to see what is good for the TWO of us and our new family. We also need to recognize there is more than one way to do something.
With more serious and pertinent situations it will require thought, communication, and prayer for you and your spouse. NOT compromise which infers your giving up something, but the way the Lord would have your family live.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Symbolic Theory
This is when all of our interactions have meaning attached to them. When I see someone smile, than I automatically think, "that person is happy." However, technically she is just moving some facial muscles upward and the only thing that leads me to believe that person is happy is that a smile is a symbol of happiness.
I think our symbols vary from person to person. For example, when I see a dog running at me I think he wants to play however, if a child who has been bitten by a dog sees him running towards her she might think the dog is going to bite her. ( Her experience has tinted her glasses of the world)
So in a family it can be seen as;
When I get home and see my Dad doing the dishes for me I think, "He is being nice."
However, if I get home and my roommate is doing the dishes for me I think, "She is upset I didn't do the dishes and is doing them to get her point across."
So when I assume that my roommate is doing the dishes just to be rude, then I would be really defensive.
When in reality she is just trying to do a service for me.
Do you see how assuming, lack of communication, and defensiveness can cause problems? no bueno!
I think our symbols vary from person to person. For example, when I see a dog running at me I think he wants to play however, if a child who has been bitten by a dog sees him running towards her she might think the dog is going to bite her. ( Her experience has tinted her glasses of the world)
So in a family it can be seen as;
When I get home and see my Dad doing the dishes for me I think, "He is being nice."
However, if I get home and my roommate is doing the dishes for me I think, "She is upset I didn't do the dishes and is doing them to get her point across."
So when I assume that my roommate is doing the dishes just to be rude, then I would be really defensive.
When in reality she is just trying to do a service for me.
Do you see how assuming, lack of communication, and defensiveness can cause problems? no bueno!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
sacrifice
I start to laugh sometimes because we all know family can drive you crazy and we drive them crazy. WE are all Crazy! However, that is the beauty of it. We all get to become more kind and funny and serious and dedicated and everything else with giving up of ourselves to our families. I mean a mother literally gives her body up for her child-any woman can attest to that.
My best friend just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in June. She was just telling me about the hips seperating, weight gain, emotional rollarcoasters and more. She said exasperated, "I just want my body back!" However, that last for 2.2 seconds till she sees her handsome Pheonix and she is glowing with motherly love. I have never seen her smile so big.
Family is a large part of our American culture from what I have seen in my experience. We all know that all books or movies don't end with a man alone and happy with his millions of dollars- it ends up always, ALWAYS about love and family. You see it with Mr. Scrooge, Bucket list, Married in Vegas, etc. They are worth it.
My best friend just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in June. She was just telling me about the hips seperating, weight gain, emotional rollarcoasters and more. She said exasperated, "I just want my body back!" However, that last for 2.2 seconds till she sees her handsome Pheonix and she is glowing with motherly love. I have never seen her smile so big.
Family is a large part of our American culture from what I have seen in my experience. We all know that all books or movies don't end with a man alone and happy with his millions of dollars- it ends up always, ALWAYS about love and family. You see it with Mr. Scrooge, Bucket list, Married in Vegas, etc. They are worth it.
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