Last night I was out looking at Christmas lights in downtown Salt Lake the Temple square for the LDS church. You should definitely check them out.

        I looked around and everyone surrounding me. Couples looked longingly into each others' eyes. Children were running around with trills of young laughter. Parents enjoyed seeing the splendor through new eyes of their children. Grandparents held hands of each other and beloved grand children. I realized a little bit more how amazing families are. While I didn't know anyone there, not their stories, dreams, or fears, each person there meant everything to their family. How incredible is the unit of family! We come in every shape and background, but we are one unit.
       Some families might not feel very close or functional. I know I have definitely felt this was before. Then, I think about Christ's family. They were poor and homeless. They didn't have a tons of friends. There wasn't an extravagant party that year. They had the Lord and each other. I think that humble circumstances can bring families the closest.
      So I'm going to try this year at Christmas to focus on my family relationships and not get too caught up in the lights.

I just watched some cool parenting videos and I liked the examples they gave of good discipline for teens. They said it is important to start out with the least amount of discipline as possible.

1. Start with a Polite request
          a. Kindly ask the teen to change behavior like "Hannah, would you please clean up this room today"

2. If your child still doesn't respond then say "I" statements
         a. Focus on the problem (this room is very messy)
         b. Say how it makes you feel as a person (I feel frustrated)
         c. Reason why you feel that way (because this room is still really messy and our family likes to have a clean home)

3. If there is still no change with the child then have a firm reminder
        a. This is not a time for lecturing about anything- keep it short, respectful, and firm

I thought of how this relates with horses. A good horse rider will tell you that when you are trying to tell your horse to walk somewhere you start with the least amount of pressure. When you kick the horse with your shoe then you start only pushing enough to the horse's hair. If he still isn't responding then you push to put pressure to the skin. Then is he is still not moving you put pressure to the muscle (hard kick). I think this idea of the least amount of discipline is wise for teens because there is no reason to get upset or upset them more than is needed. We don't want them to feel attacked. We want them to act, not react.

Does a full time homemaker swap her mind for a mop?

I just read this article:

http://patriotpost.us/opinion/dennis-prager/2011/11/15/does-a-full-time-homemaker-swap-her-mind-for-a-mop/

I totally agree. I personally am not a fan of talk radio, but there are so many ways to feed and use the mind while being a stay at home mom! I don't know about you, but I look forward to the time when I can be reading and learning while being a stay at home mom. I can't wait to go to the library with my kids and learn about everything! I want to continue to explore and experience life to the fullest. My mom was always taking us on field trips to museums. I know this lifestyle will take my intentional effort and I will give it my full attention. I could see the temptation to get lost in T.V. shows and drama, but I do not do that now and will continue to fill me life with other avenues of growth. I love learning!
I also plan to be using my Master's degree by volunteer teaching marriage and family relations for the community and for LDS services in the evenings. I also am going to be really involved with volunteer work for in children's schools.

How do you keep your mind active as a mom?

oldest child syndrome

I had no idea that there were so many other people that had a similar experience as me being the oldest child. Because my parents were both working I had to be a parent a lot of the time. I babysat my four younger siblings for hours after school, helped with housework daily, and even financially gave to my family. I didn't really mind then but I can look back and see that this caused trouble with my relationships with people in my family.
 I was in an awkward limbo between being a parent and a child. My siblings needed my help for a lot of things in the absence of my parents but rejected the idea of me "bossing" them around or being to involved in their life. My parent also relied on me for a lot of things, but then they would randomly "put me in my place" that I wasn't the parent. This role that I took greatly effected my future relationships. People think of me all the time as being the "mother". I like to take care of people, but I don't like being such a mom in my relationships, especially with dating. I'm not sure how to get out of this pattern. Any ideas?

Crisis

Families will have Crisis. There is no question. How a family handles crisis is what is important. The biggest thing that we must do to handle crisis well as a family is to intentionally pull together and cooperate. This may seem simple but it can take a life time to learn how to CO- Operate. I think to learn this is a huge reason why we have families in the first place. We must learn to be able reach outside ourselves and help another.

Intimacy in Marriage

Something really interesting that I learned and it makes a lot of sense is how men and women view intimacy differently. Men typically are physically intimate to feel more emotionally closer while woman are the opposite and need to feel emotionally secure in order to be fully physically intimate. This is awesome because this is makes it so as a couple you need to take care of your companion's needs before your own can be fulfilled. This can also cause problems because if a woman doesn't feel emotionally fulfilled (she might feel her husband holding back is selfish) then she might hold back physically and hence he won't give more emotionally. This is a common vicious cycle in a marriage.
There is more to it then sex with intimacy. How many peoples' marriages have emotional affairs? We need to be really careful of our relationships we have outside of our marriage. We need to have our independence, but many don't recognize the potential  trouble of creating strong relationships with others outside of the marriage relationship. Innocent conversations sharing about your day, dreams, and feelings creates bonding. Also, spending a lot of time together creates that connection. What happens when you have had multiple experiences of this emotional intimacy? You start to think, "I must be in love." When in reality that bond just happened because of the experience, you aren't meant to be true loves. You have just had your thoughts and emotions validated and now are physically entertaining the idea. We need to be careful even with sharing a lot of our everyday experiences with others more than our spouse. If you tell everyone else about your life you'll be less likely to share with our spouse and miss out on that bonding. Is having a million relationships with many people worth losing out on the relationship with your spouse? I think you do need to have a full well-rounded life but I also think the priority for relationships should be with 1. God 2. Spouse 3. children

Wedding what?!!!

Just a quick thought:

Isn't it crazy how big wedding have gotten? I have been thinking about this a lot. When did a wedding go from decided to spend forever with each other in a sared union to a GIANT event to show off our money or decorating skills. seriously. What is it all really about? What happens after that wedding when the bills come and your spouse won't put the dishes away?
When we get married it should be about two people sacrificing their old life that was about them and now for another person. I love this quote by Bob Marley of how it should be:

opposites attract?

One of the most interesting thing the some of the research said was that the idea that "opposites attract" is a myth. We may find differences in other attractive at first, but they very often turn out to be wedges and annoying attributes of a marraige. Obviously it is good to have your unique identity, but research has found that similiarities of couples are a good thing. Some of those similarities are values, hobbies, religion, and even culture. In 'Micah theory' these similiarities are important because it can lead to having the same goals and lifestyle that woudl bring a couple together.

boys are different than girls?!

So I watched a SWEET video about gender differences. I know this can be a very controversial subject, but I couldn't help blog about some of what I learned makes us biologically different. From the research I have read and from my experience there are biological differences. not only are we physically different but there are unique characteristics that are given to each gender. Scientist believe that those differences are made through Hormones in the womb. These characteristics effect our behavior which greatly effects marriage and family.
 For example, men are categorical thinkers. They have more gray matter (storage  space) in the brain. They can open one category of thought like focusing on a football game and everything else is gone. However, Woman notice more details. We have more white matter (connections) in the brain. We think about anything and everything all the time.
Have you ever tried give someone of the opposite gender directions? In a recent study they found men naturally navigate by spatial orientation. They know where they are from north to south, east to west. However, woman navigate by landmarks. In the study college students of both genders were asked to be walked though many different parts of a building blindfolded. The men were able to significantly recognize the whereabouts of where they were still while the majority of woman couldn't. However, when the participants were asked to wait in an office and then later asked what they recalled from the room most woman remembered a significantly higher amount of details than the men.
Some of these differences can cause conflict when a man comes home from work and his wife asks him about his day at work and he says, "fine." She cares and wants to connect about their experiences, but he has closed that compartment and wants to be home now and give that his attention.
Even at birth they have found differences as males are more likely to be startled while females have rhythmic sucking. Boys are more likely and quicker to set out on their own crawling about while girls sit up faster.
However, these differences together make an awesome partnership. We need both male and female to make the world great. A family needs both.

Halloween traditions

Have you ever experienced culture shock? Can you experience culture shock in a family?
I think YES!!! Because when two people get married they are combining two different cultures, and even some that seem similar can cause conflict.
Take Halloween traditions for example. In my family we have costumes that go together (like a basketball team, ref, and coach) and we drink Wassail and my dad always checks the candy we get. That is how it is in my family. When I get married my husband will bring his own Halloween traditions to our family. Initially I would want to just use my traditions. I might think his are nice, but not the "right way to do it."
So what is the solution? One of my teachers said that we as a couple need to examine our past attitudes, habits, and traditions to see what is good for the TWO of us and our new family. We also need to recognize there is more than one way to do something.
With more serious and pertinent situations it will require thought, communication, and prayer for you and your spouse. NOT compromise which infers your giving up something, but the way the Lord would have your family live.

Symbolic Theory

This is when all of our interactions have meaning attached to them. When I see someone smile, than I automatically think, "that person is happy." However, technically she is just moving some facial muscles upward and the only thing that leads me to believe that person is happy is that a smile is a symbol of happiness.
I think our symbols vary from person to person. For example, when I see a dog running at me I think he wants to play however, if a child who has been bitten by a dog sees him running towards her she might think the dog is going to bite her. ( Her experience has tinted her glasses of the world)
So in a family it can be seen  as;
When I get home and see my Dad doing the dishes for me I think, "He is being nice."
However, if I get home and my roommate is doing the dishes for me I think, "She is upset I didn't do the dishes and is doing them to get her point across."
So when I assume that my roommate is doing the dishes just to be rude, then I would be really defensive.
When in reality she is just trying to do a service for me.
Do you see how assuming, lack of communication, and defensiveness can cause problems? no bueno!

sacrifice

I start to laugh sometimes because we all know family can drive you crazy and we drive them crazy. WE are all Crazy! However, that is the beauty of it. We all get to become more kind and funny and serious and dedicated and everything else with giving up of ourselves to our families. I mean a mother literally gives her body up for her child-any woman can attest to that.
My best friend just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in June. She was just telling me about the hips seperating, weight gain, emotional rollarcoasters and more. She said exasperated, "I just want my body back!" However, that last for 2.2 seconds till she sees her handsome Pheonix and she is glowing with motherly love. I have never seen her smile so big.

Family is a large part of our American culture from what I have seen in my experience. We all know that all books or movies don't end with a man alone and happy with his millions of dollars- it ends up always, ALWAYS about love and family. You see it with Mr. Scrooge, Bucket list, Married in Vegas, etc. They are worth it.